Leston Lawrence, a Royal Canadian Mint employee for 7 years, has been sentenced to 30 months in prison and ordered to pay a $145,900 fine for smuggling gold from the mint via his anus. In other words, the guy stole a shit ton of gold. That’s right. Leston Lawrence has the Midas butt. The golden “pucks” were roughly…
American odds of… Tripping While Texting: 1 in 10 According to The Ohio State University, more than 1,500 pedestrians were treated for texting related injuries in 2010; and that was before Pokemon Go started making people neglect their kids, fall off cliffs, and crash into cop cars. Choking To Death: 1 in 3,408 In 2016,…
From Gandhi’s Salt Satyagraha to King’s marches in Montgomery, Selma, and Washington, D.C., the most influential protests in our history are witnessed by massive movements of individuals, arm in arm and step by step, sharing the “truth-force” and “soul-force” of nonviolent dynamic change. The summer of 2017 could see yet another pilgrimage for progress, this time…
In 1947, the Doomsday Clock was created by fake-scientists to symbolize the Earth’s proximity to total destruction. The Bulletin of the Atomic Fake-Scientists oversees the hypothetical clock, adjusting its hands to directly correspond with how irresponsibly we govern our planet. Thursday, the clock moved thirty seconds closer to midnight, bringing us within two and a…
Battle lines have been drawn. Already, activists, protesters, and free-thinking humanitarians across the world have vocalized their intention to RESIST the ill-founded and dangerous policies of President Dorrance Trump and the billionaires who bought his election. While it is undoubtedly important to defend against the threats presented by our newfound government, it is just as…
“Bane is a fictional supervillain appearing in American Comic Books, published by DC Comics.” Donald Trump is a non-fiction supervillain appearing in American Real Life, published by USA Comedic Tragedies, LLC. In case you missed it, President Trump quoted Batman’s nemesis in his inaugural speech. President Bane? If only. Bane’s list of super abilities that…
Wednesday, Führer-elect Donald Trump sought the sanctity of twitter to announce his enthusiasm for Inauguration Day’s pending promise to end his presidential pubescence. Before his under-endowed finger stub could practice his “NUKE” launching technique on the, likewise dubious, “TWEET” button, he was visited by his dear friend and mentor, the ghost of Joseph Goebbels. The ghost…
Weird or Confusing is a website emboldening e-commerce by removing the middle man in our search for weird things we can buy online. The site, which averages more than 8,000 unique visitors per day, directs its users to the strangest Amazon pages known to man. We decided to try it out for ourselves and were…
As January 20th ebbs nearer and the countdown to the official beginning of the most dreaded four years in history draws closer, the entering Trump administration has announced that its appointment for Head Gamemaker will not be made public until Mr.”I would date her, if she wasn’t my daughter” makes his inaugural address. President-elect Trump’s pick…
As President Obama’s lame duck period draws to a close and President-elect Trump prepares to take office, Capitol Ministers have streamlined the selection of a host city for Inauguration Day’s Hunger Games. The committee has accepted the invitations of ten cities wishing to take part in the candidature process. 1) Atlanta, Georgia The cream…
Wednesday, Vice President-elect Mike Pence announced, amidst a press conference proving Socialist Islamic Homosexuals buried dinosaur fossils in the 18th century, that President-elect Donald Trump and Speaker Paul Ryan have accepted the invitation of Capitol Ministers to discuss necessary preparations for Inauguration Day’s much anticipated Hunger Games. Of utmost importance, according to a source within the…
Let me start by saying, I love Nikon; not only are their cameras and lenses incredibly made, but they even designed my eye-glass lenses. I’m a Nikon fan. HOWEVER, Nikon recently released an… interesting… advertisement that could prove fairly awkward. Nikon’s 360 degree camera has been a big hit, enabling the online viewer to scroll the…
Do you hear that? If you listen intently enough, you can hear millions of face-palms, babbling bigotry, and the echoing chaos of one of the weirdest nightmares ever recorded. This is the ghost of 2016. It will haunt us forever. For the sake of reminiscence and to recall the calm before the storm, let’s remember New…
Congratulations! You’ve successfully made it through the first half of 2017’s first week. As Americans nationwide return to work and semi-sobriety, many of our New Years Resolutions have already succumbed to the stages of bargaining and acceptance as we realize that 2016 wasn’t just a bad dream, that our old notion of “Same Shit, Different…
