Satanic Turkeys Engage In Creepy Ritual With Dead Cat

in Editorial And Satire/LOL/Weird by


No, I am not kidding.

A large group of wild turkeys in Massachusetts were caught on video engaging in a bizarre ritual a few days ago. A man who lived on the street where the strange behavior took place observed it through his car window.

Like any modern American, he grabbed his camera and started filming. Then he tweeted about what was happening.

What happened was so odd that he couldn’t understand what was going on. The dead cat was lying right in the middle of the road, and a group of about 30 wild turkeys were marching around it in a circle.

Yup. Marching around a dead cat, looking at it, slowly, steadily walking around and around.

He did not say whether or not they were chanting. But I have my suspicions.

As a fellow Massachusetts resident, and someone who lives in a rural area, I’m all too familiar with the odd behavior of wild turkeys. Every fall for the past 5 years, I’ve had at least one male turkey trying to mate with my red car.

But I’ve never seen them having a funeral. I’ve never seen them acting like a big group of undertakers ready to start the embalming.

I’m not alone in being befuddled by this behavior.

David Scarpitti is a wildlife biologist who works for the state of Massachusetts. He saw the video and was unable to explain what he was seeing. He showed it to some of his colleagues. He said:

They’re scratching their heads. I think the story will spread wide and far given how unique and unusual it is.”

Scarpitti did not say anything about the ritualistic way the big birds were marching, and he declined to speculate on whether or not he thought it was satanic.

He did say that turkeys usually follow a leader. He thought that maybe what happened was that the leader was trying to figure out if the dead cat was a threat.

Turkeys are not known for their intelligence.

The scientist did speculate that as the leader walked around the corpse, waiting for it to jump up and attack her, the rest of the troop was probably just following her around and around.

I have other thoughts.

Any creature that’s dumb enough to want to have babies with a Hyudai is dumb enough to worship a dead cat. I think they were up to something sinister.

See for yourself!

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