“Bane is a fictional supervillain appearing in American Comic Books, published by DC Comics.”
Donald Trump is a non-fiction supervillain appearing in American Real Life, published by USA Comedic Tragedies, LLC.
In case you missed it, President Trump quoted Batman’s nemesis in his inaugural speech.
President Bane? If only.
Bane’s list of super abilities that we wish our Orange Goddess had:
1) Genius-Level Intellect
2) Highly Accomplished Athlete and Martial Artist:
Beware the Kung Foupée
3) Accelerated Healing Factor
Anytime you see the words “Patriot Act” and “Amendments to National Voter Registration Act,” it makes you wonder when Department of Homeland Security paperwork will read “Jim Crow” and “Pay Off 38 States To Abolish Amendments 19 and 15.”
Unfortunately, there is a supervillain attribute that President Trump shares with Bane. Both malefactors are addicted. Their DOC blinds the mind, causing paranoia, violence, and a proclivity for binges into an overdose. Strung out on the super-steroid, Venom, both egomaniacs are hopelessly dependent on its addictive promise of power, strength, and the ability to break the very back of justice.
This was shown in Bane’s fate at the time, with Bane having become so reliant on Venom after years of addiction that he became a weak, frail figure who needs Venom just to keep breathing, strapped to an oxygen tank and confined to a chair.
On the bright side, Bane’s alter ego is “Dorrance,” which is exactly what I’ll be calling Queen Trump from now on.
Featured image via Twitter