Leston Lawrence, a Royal Canadian Mint employee for 7 years, has been sentenced to 30 months in prison and ordered to pay a $145,900 fine for smuggling gold from the mint via his anus.
In other words, the guy stole a shit ton of gold.
That’s right. Leston Lawrence has the Midas butt.
The golden “pucks” were roughly the size of golf balls and each weighed about half a pound. Greedy and/or butt-horny Lawrence stole 22 pucks, worth roughly $130,000 USD.
Stages of the Investigation:
- Leston set off security metal detectors “more than any other employee” for six months.
- Lawrence’s bank teller notified police that something stunk about his frequent high-dollar deposits.
- “Investigators found Vaseline and latex gloves in the mint employee’s locker.“
- The judge said the items “could have been used to facilitate insertion of gold items inside his rectum.“
- An unnamed Security Employee “actually tested the idea.“
- The judge essentially declares that Lawrence has tainted the dignity of the Mint’s Gold Purifiers and sentences him to 30 months in prison.
Maybe when Lawrence gets out of the joint he can get one of these Fetish Fantasy Gold Butt Plugs available on Amazon.
Oh, by the way, the judge’s name? Peter Doody.
You can’t make this shit up; it’s golden.
Featured image via ZeroHedge