And You Think You’re A Real MammaBear? This Lady Has You Beat

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Many of President-elect Trump’s cabinet picks have strained our national sense of logic. The neurosurgeon who was chosen to lead the Department of Housing and Urban Development comes to mind.

But no choice is more mind boggling than Betsy DeVos, whose only qualification for the job of Secretary of Education is the money she’s donated to lots of Republican Senators and one President-elect.

During this week’s hearing, DeVos was asked whether she’d be willing to state that there is no place for loaded weapons in public schools. Her answer would be funny if it wasn’t so stupendously ignorant. She said:

I think probably there, I would imagine that there’s probably a gun in the school to protect from potential grizzlies.”

A women in Juneau, Alaska had a fantastic response to DeVos on her blog, One Hot Mess. She wrote an open letter to the grizzly.

She starts off by telling the bear that she and her kids know how to use guns, emphasizing that they take gun safety classes “in the hopes that they’ll avoid becoming a buried-by-the-NR-Cray-public health statistic.”

She tells the bear that she admits he has a right to live in Alaska.

You belong here, I do not, and so I defer to your mighty dominion over this vast and wild landscape.”

“Here’s the thing though: I will shoot you in your f*ing face with a Winchester M70 if you so much as pant your hot, gross, scary salmon breath within 500 yards of my kids’ school.”

She isn’t kidding around, nuh, uh. She covers ever possible reason why a grizzly might decide to visit a school, and its a hoot.

If you try to enter my kids’ school to play a ukulele, take a MAPS test on one of the computers, or participate in ‘Friday Fun Night,’ I will pop a cap in your hairy ass and promptly stuff and mount you in the lunch room to serve as a warning to other grizzly bears and, more commonly, black bears.”

Moving right along to the many other reasons why someone goes to school, she suggests that the bear better be careful.

Anyway, my daughter tells me the pancakes served in the free breakfast program are harder than hockey pucks and can cause a concussion, so I don’t recommend eating them, and moreover I do not think you qualify for the free breakfast program.”

And in case all the possible reasons for walking into the school haven’t been covered, she adds this.

You want to order a book from the Scholastic book fair or compete in the Scripps spelling bee?

Fine. Spell this: K-A-B-L-A-M!”

The best part is when she sort of explains why she’s threatening the bear with a gun, as per Betsy DeVos.

So as harsh as all of this sounds, I don’t want you to interpret it as a threat, because from one Mama Griz to another, I think you can see where I’m coming from.”

Just awesome. You really to check out the whole post on One Hot Mess.

I hope Betsy DeVos reads it so she can see how ridiculous she sounds when she talks about guns in schools.

Featured image by Scott Calleja via Flicker. (CC-BY 2.0)

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