Okay got Grandma this beautiful cardigan, got mom this lovely vase, got dad an awesome fishing rod, and got Leroy…crap I didn’t get Leroy anything.
We all have that one, or many depending on your social circle, friend that is just so damn weird we never know what to get them when the holidays roll around. Fear not, Off The Main Page is here to rescue from giving yet another gift basket to your weirdo friends.
Here are some of the best gifts for that “not all there upstairs” friend or family member this holiday season.
A Flame Thrower
Yes I know you’re probably asking why you would buy the weirdo in your life a tool they could literally burn their house down with but look at the bigger picture.
Grandma, every year gets the grand-kids toys that light up, make enormous amounts of sound, and aren’t always structurally sound but the kids are happy and at the end of the day, Grandma goes home. It’s pretty much the same scenario here.
Sure, your friend may take down the neighbors in a raving game of “Godzilla,” but you will be tightly tucked in bed across the city and they will be happier than hell.
Vladimir Putin Scratching Post
Oh, the sweet sounds of Mrs. Fluffy scraping her nails down Vladimir Putin’s ass as she longingly looks at you with love. And yes we are including your cat in the weirdo friend category here. Don’t judge.
The Mini Flamethrower
I know you’re probably asking what’s with all the fire? Well, it’s almost always on point that at least one your weirdo friends likes either fire or magic. Actually it is decidedly a fact that if you have a friend that you consider weird it’s a rule they like either fire or magic. Either way this mini flamethrower is meant for magic tricks but turns your buddy into a superhero throwing balls of fire all over town as you kick them out of the house and tell them to go home.
The “Caticorn” Shower Curtain
I don’t know what says love and friendship more than a shower curtain depicting a cat unicorn floating peacefully in a sea of clouds other than a real “caticorn.” This amazing gift will, hopefully, get a ton of use and greet you every time you use the john at your strange friends house.
Whichever one you choose we are sure you’re weirder than balls friend will love you forever, and possibly burn their house down, but stop looking at all the negatives damnit.
Featured Image Via Creative Pro.